Saturday, February 12, 2005

It’s been a while, sorry. It’s not for lack of thoughts to write on though. Life has been busy but not that busy. As I look back over the past few months it makes me smile in a sad way. I can see the way my relationship with God and even who I am has changed over the past couple months. I got back from break, refreshed and optimistic. Life had a few new twists and burdens but nothing I couldn’t handle. However, God isn’t one to leave us in the shallow end. I’m like a little kid, sitting at a comfortable depth splashing around happily. Then all of a sudden I notice that my splashing has pushed me deeper than I can stand; I remember I can’t swim. God didn’t die so I could remain comfortable though.
*Laugh* I asked God at one point what area of my life needed working. (Almost as dangerous as asking for patience.) He showed me and it was pretty obvious right away he’s the only one able to keep my head from going under. It turns out that the temper I thought I’d mastered had simply not been provoked much. Nope, its still there and worse than ever.
I don’t want to carry my anger around like a pet. I don’t want to mourn over the harm I see it doing. I would rather it just go away. It takes courage though, humility and courage. Great humility…is this what’s meant by picking up your cross? Dying to self eh? Funny, I always imagined a peaceful death in my sleep, not stepping before a firing squad and yelling fire. Lord help...


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