Tuesday, April 20, 2004

I've been ordered by Wilson to post more often. So, to avoid being exiled away to the "rare post" box, I obey. Have you ever had a piano lesson, or watched someone else suffer through one? My typing method right now would make any piano teacher proud. Lack of flexibility in my left wrist puts my hand in perfect form, horribly uncomfortable though.
This morning I was looking through things on my computer and found an unfinished blog entry. It looks remarkably similar to thoughts I've had at the end of the past three months. Amazement at what I've come through, and hope for the next month to be better. And though life keeps on full force, the way I deal with it is slowly changing. I no longer perch on the edge of despair at each new twist. God is at work, but I have a vague sensation of running in place because the lesson plans lately look awfully familiar.
I watched a little girl at a church banquet the other week. She was sitting on her father's lap playing with a little bowl decorating the table. The girl being curious took off the lid, only to discover she couldn't get it back on. I watched as she randomly pounded the two pieces together trying to make them fit. Then, once she realized she couldn't do it on her own, she held out the piece and waited for her father to fix it. Basically that’s what I’ve been doing with God lately.
My roommate and I have been balancing the fine line between sanity and pounding our head against the wall for far too long. I've learned something though. Yes, following God can take unexpected detours and even lead off the map...but that doesn't mean I'm driving around in a bumper car. I shouldn't be crashing into everything, bouncing off walls, guessing, testing, and trying everything before finally finding what I'm supposed to be doing.
One of my professors loves to use the phrase, "do the next right thing." It gets a little old after awhile but I suppose she's right. As far as I can make out, God only promises the strength for today. Three years ago the road I've just come down would have seemed very much impossible. The thing that scares me as I look ahead now is that I honestly don't know if I'll have the courage to keep following. The more I get to know my Lord though, the more I learn my courage is of little consequence, I have no choice but to follow. Really wish I knew where though.

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